I’m in that life stage—empty-nest and semi-retired—where I’ve been doing a lot of deep reflecting lately. Much of this involves talks with my husband, who is hoping to retire in the next few years. We’re consuming tons of reading and podcasts, and every discussion eventually circles back to one idea: finding a purpose.
This really seems to be the secret of mid-to-late life: purpose. And not just any old purpose, but a meaningful purpose. It needs to be something that genuinely excites you to get out of bed—something that keeps apathy far away.
For many, the answer seems obvious: spouses, grown kids and grandkids, extended family, hobbies, friends, and so on. But when you start to dive deeper and truly consider the day-to-day reality, these are often just surface answers.
The Limits of Family
For example, my husband and kids have always been my highest priority. My husband is still my best friend, and we share many interests. We genuinely love spending time together, but certainly not all the time. After 30 years of marriage (plus three years of dating!), he’s a bit over being dragged to my art shows and museums. That’s my thing, and he’s fine with me doing it alone. Conversely, while we both love to game together, I have a limited attention span before I need to be up and moving, while his gaming attention span is easily double mine.
It’s similar with my kids. They are grown, and I have a great relationship with them, their spouses, and my grandchild, but they also have their own lives—two of them quite far away. I cherish every call, text, or visit, but it only fills a small fraction of my time. While I’ll drop most anything when one of them needs me, it’s not fair to either of us for me to sit and stare at my phone each day waiting for a call. I want them to reach out because they genuinely want to, not out of guilt or obligation.
The Search for Personal Motivation
So, how do we find purpose—excuse me, meaningful purpose? A purpose that is truly personal and motivating?
Well, my husband and I are both still actively working on it. I have a few things I’m already passionate about, with art and gardening at the top of my list.
Gardening – I’ve successfully turned into my main social connection. This makes it inherently meaningful. I gather with other gardeners; we socialize, swap plants, and “ooh and aah” over each other’s plots. I feel a strong sense of connection as we fuel our common need to nurture our “plant babies.” It gives us a beautiful, common language.
Art – is proving a bit tougher. I’ll be honest, I’m really struggling with it lately. I’ve been creating most of my life and have considered myself a ‘professional’ artist for over 30 years. My skills are strong, and many of my paintings are truly beautiful. For a good portion of those 30 years, teaching art was my part of my purpose. The financial aspect of needing to sell also drove my purpose and decisions—what to create and how to reach customers through galleries, markets, etc.
Lately, I don’t feel purpose from either of those traditional aspects. I’m only teaching an occasional online class and, honestly, I don’t feel a strong desire to teach right now. Or, more accurately, I’d like to teach something creatively inspiring rather than the technical, skill-based classes I’ve taught in the past. And while I loved my co-op gallery near my previous house, I have nothing like that nearby now. Everything is an hour drive away through horrendous traffic, and it’s just not worth the effort to me.
What’s Next?
So, what is a mid-life, mid-career artist to do?
I’ll continue sharing my thoughts and exploration in my next blog post.
But for now, I’d love to hear from you! Have you struggled with this search for purpose in any aspect of your life? Mid-life, especially post-kids, is definitely a major turning point for so many people to reevaluate life, priorities, purpose, and meaning—everything!